I have tried to write this post a few times, but I never know what to say or how to word it. So instead I am going to just say what comes to mind and hope it makes sense.
I have been seeing a lot of posts over the last while regarding body image and ones perception of how they look, especially after weight loss. And I understand, it is really hard to look at yourself after you have gone through a huge drastic change, and not see what was once there.
I am just as guilty as the next. I look at myself and see skin all over the place. My arms, my legs, my belly, my knees, you name it. I do not see what others see, I tend to think I look so much different than what I do.
As you can see, I have excessive hanging skin on my arms. My belly is extremely swollen right now due to surgery but I still have hanging skin there. My back thankfully isn’t too bad, but it still isn’t “perfect”.
But, I can’t expect it to be. No matter how much I wish I looked good naked, I don’t. I have to think that this body, with my skin hanging and wrinkly and boobs that are non existent is so much better than my body before. Hanging skin is better than having skin full of unhealthy fat.
But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t bother me. That putting on clothing that shows my stomach or arms doesn’t bother me. Especially since I had my lower body lift, I struggle a lot with accepting my imperfections. I am often asked if I will undergo more cosmetic surgery to remove skin and right now the answer is no. The cost and recovery time is not something I think right now is worth it.
We are allowed to hate how we look in the mirror some days. We are allowed to wear double padded bras to make us feel better about ourselves when we have no boobs anymore. Body image is hard, and looking when you don’t see what is in the mirror is a struggle. I cry still. I see the person I used to be, I see myself as being fat and I still hate the scale. I see my arms shake and flop when I run, I see my upper stomach hang and not look flat when I put clothes on. And I am not ok with it a lot of the time. I struggle daily. I try, and it gets easier as time goes but it is still hard.