Body Image – Never Ending Battle

I have tried to write this post a few times, but I never know what to say or how to word it. So instead I am going to just say what comes to mind and hope it makes sense.

I have been seeing a lot of posts over the last while regarding body image and ones perception of how they look, especially after weight loss. And I understand, it is really hard to look at yourself after you have gone through a huge drastic change, and not see what was once there.

I am just as guilty as the next. I look at myself and see skin all over the place. My arms, my legs, my belly, my knees, you name it. I do not see what others see, I tend to think I look so much different than what I do.

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As you can see, I have excessive hanging skin on my arms. My belly is extremely swollen right now due to surgery but I still have hanging skin there. My back thankfully isn’t too bad, but it still isn’t “perfect”.

But, I can’t expect it to be. No matter how much I wish I looked good naked, I don’t. I have to think that this body, with my skin hanging and wrinkly and boobs that are non existent is so much better than my body before. Hanging skin is better than having skin full of unhealthy fat.

But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t bother me. That putting on clothing that shows my stomach or arms doesn’t bother me. Especially since I had my lower body lift, I struggle a lot with accepting my imperfections. I am often asked if I will undergo more cosmetic surgery to remove skin and right now the answer is no. The cost and recovery time is not something I think right now is worth it.

We are allowed to hate how we look in the mirror some days. We are allowed to wear double padded bras to make us feel better about ourselves when we have no boobs anymore. Body image is hard, and looking when you don’t see what is in the mirror is a struggle. I cry still. I see the person I used to be, I see myself as being fat and I still hate the scale. I see my arms shake and flop when I run, I see my upper stomach hang and not look flat when I put clothes on. And I am not ok with it a lot of the time. I struggle daily. I try, and it gets easier as time goes but it is still hard.

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5 thoughts on “Body Image – Never Ending Battle

  1. You are brave to write the post and I love your honesty. My friend just recently posted something on body image that really stuck with me and hit home, and I hope you find some comfort in it too. She has started a healthier lifestyle and has started running (isnt running just magical !?!?)-

    “The reality is that things have changed. In some ways I have changed. But, I always promise to have enough respect and kindness for myself (and for you) to show where I’ve been and where I am without judgement or hate. The path of loving yourself isn’t found only when running from your past. I’ve never hated who I was or what I chose. I’ve only hated how others made me feel. How I let them make me feel. I thought I was great at 320. I think I’m still great now. You don’t have to tear down what you were to create who you are.”

    I just love that she has so much self-respect and pride in who she is, disregarding her shape, size, color of her hair, imperfections, etc. People are so unique and beautiful in their own ways. Embrace yourself. Embrace it all. There ain’t nobody like you walking around in this world. And that is something to be proud of.

  2. I love this post so much. Thank you for sharing it with us. It’s brave and raw and shows so much of your journey. I think that often times, we are our own harshest critics – we see the stretch marks, the extra skin, the unperfect places. When I look at you, I see the strength, the courage and the resolve you have to make a change in your life. xo

  3. This is a very brave and honest post! I agree with the comment above that we are our own harshest critics in so many ways. For me when I see you and read about your journey I see how far you have come to get healthy and take control of your life, and how inspiring you are to so many people….and the fact that you are active and fit and have accomplished so many goals you have set out to take on…what was that Surrey Half Marathon pb again? 🙂

  4. Body image is such a tough, tough thing. I am a recovering bulimic and am pretty sure I will never be rid of those demons – they ebb & flow, as does my body image and self image.

    I met you (briefly) at the Santa Shuffle last weekend. I’d already stalked you on FB after Nikki (I think) posted about you on the PBCM page, so I knew some of your story. I am in awe! You are such an inspiration and have achieved such amazing things.

    It’s okay to think you’re not perfect. Just be gentle with yourself. You’ve been through one heck of a journey and you inspire a lot of other people 🙂

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